If you think your relationship is falling apart, these tips will help you recover it. Check out our list of dos and dont’s!

If your idea of a successful relationship is borrowed from romantic movies and novels, it’s time to wake up! We aren’t implying that you can’t be happy, mushy, or corny with your partner. But relationships aren’t as effortless as they are made out to be in literature or cinema. Every relationship requires a certain amount of work. However, how do you keep the equation with your partner, a happy and peaceful one? What do you need to stop doing to make things better? We have the answers for you!

6 dos and dont’s for a successful relationship 

Do: Eat, drink, sleep positive 

You can’t feel happy in a relationship if you look at it as a problem-solving experience most of the time. The point is too feel good all the time, and look at the setbacks as situational and as the root-cause of a failing relationship. What you must do, is stay positive. Even when you are engaged in a conflict with your partner, remember what makes you happy about him/ her.

If you don’t have positivity, your conflicts may be difficult to solve

In a relationship where both you and your partner are negative, you can only imagine how explosive the argument can get right? A section from the The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy, reads, “Negative affect reciprocity has been the most consistent discriminator between happily and unhappily married couples. It is far better a measurement even than the amount of negative affect. This discrimination has been replicated in labs worldwide.”

The best marriages and relationships have a “positive sentiment override”

This means that you are biased toward’s your partner’s positive nature, no matter what. So if he/she is acting out, look at it as situational. Maybe they had a bad day at work, or are going through something. It always helps giving your partner the benefit of the doubt in a relationship. Two negatives in this case do NOT make a positive. So if you are always doubting your partner, you may think there’s some agenda behind them being nice to you. That’s a prescription a breakup/ divorce.

Take into account the four horsemen of a relationship/ marriage

Don’t: These include criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling

1. Criticism

There is a thin line between criticism and complaining. The latter involves you telling your partner “What you did was horrible.” But criticism borders on the line of saying, “You are horrible.” If you keep criticizing your partner, you will make him/her lose self confidence and self esteem. This will also start affecting your relationship in a severe way. 90% of the time, criticism results in break ups and divorces. 

2. Defensiveness 

If your partner is complaining about something, don’t close up and start defending yourself to be mr./mrs. right. Be open to what he/she has to say. Being defensive can ruin a relationship.

3. Contempt 

If you mock your partner, act condescending, roll your eyes whenever he/she starts complaining, it’s time to check your behaviour.  Contempt is basically a person feeling like he/she is superior than the other. If that’s the way it is, be ready to bid your relationship goodbye!

4. Stonewalling 

While the book Marriage Clinic has pointed out that women are guilty of criticizing, men are for stonewalling.

Do: Take a break

Conflicts and arguments are natural in a relationship. However, what matters is how you and your partner handle them. Most of us continue to fight, till we breakdown and reach a point where we don’t have the energy to argue anymore. What helps calm down a situation, is taking a breather from the fight.

Taking a 30-second break, making a joke amidst the fight etc., have been proven to be extremely effective. It helps you and your partner to resume the conflict in a calmer manner.

Don’t: Stop trying to solve your problems

Bakedesuyo says that in 69% percent of the relationships, the problems never get solved. So the key is, don’t try to solve them at all! This may sound crazy but you can work on this with a different approach. Instead of trying to correct your partner’s behaviour, try and analyse it. Try and understand why your partner is behaving a certain way and accept it. You may not agree with his/ her opinion, but the key is to understand and accept it.

Ask yourself these important questions:

  • Is their any part of my partner’s behaviour/ reasoning that I can understand?
  • Can I accept my partner’s point of view, in a more loving way?
  • Can I grasp where my partner is coming from?

Focus on these and your relationship is safe.

If you are experiencing stress and anxiety in your relationship, here’s something that will help you. Try Neurofeedback! To learn more, watch this video.

Brain & Co. offers med-free treatment that could help you overcome some of the challenges that come with depression/anxiety/sleep issues/ADHD etc. Visit our website or give us a call to learn more.