In our first client story, we will be discussing the case of a woman who had severe anger issues and how it was ruining her relationships.
In my profession, I come across several clients battling various mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, anger, stress, trauma, bipolar disorder, etc. However, there are often certain cases that stand out and make me curious about the human mind. One of them was a 42-year-old woman, who visited my clinic for a consultation with her husband.
She had covered her mouth with her stole, given the pandemic so I naturally couldn’t see much of her face. But so vibrant was her personality that having a conversation with her took precedence over me trying to figure out her mental state by looking at her facial expressions.
I imagine that at parities, this woman would be the center of attention, making everyone laugh with her great sense of humour. Just as we began our session, she cracked a one-liner or two, immediately making light of her mental health. If you met her in person, you would think she’s the happiest person alive with no worry in the world.
But as she opened up, I could gauge the emotional stress she was experiencing. And soon into the conversation she said, “My anger is uncontrollable and is beginning to ruin my relationships.”
She mentioned that she experiences serious bouts of anger throughout the day that she isn’t able to control. The client gets violent to the point where she starts throwing things and comes close to putting her two kids in physical danger. “There are also times when my family has to lock me up in a separate room as they don’t know any other way of controlling my anger,” she stated, with a slight chuckle.
What amused me was her constant need to hide the gravity of her mental condition. Where other patients appear to be solemn and some even breakdown while talking to me about their troubles, this woman put on a show, without even realizing it. I could sense that even though she was trying to make it look like she wasn’t too affected by her issues, the reality was far from it.
The 42-year old continued, gradually also opening up about battling sleep issues and having relied on sleeping pills for years. She stated that unless she pops one, she isn’t able to sleep and goes for days with just barely 3-5 hours of sleep per day.
The lady also spoke about frequent headaches and constant pain in her chest that she lives with. “It feels like I have a tight, painful knot in the center of my chest that won’t go away,” she said. She also mentioned a nagging pain on the right side of her shoulder.
After making a note of all the physical symptoms that she was experiencing, I prodded her about the emotional pain that she was suffering from. “My kids are scared of me and that hurts me the most,” she said with a serious face for the first time during our conversation. She further talked about how she fears she’s letting her kids down with her violent bouts.
“I also constantly worry about the future,” she said, adding, “I am up all night thinking about what school they will go to, if they will be able to have luxurious life or not. I want the best for them. I also worry about money constantly. I fear that what if some thief comes home in the middle of the night and steals our money.”
When she said this, I could sense that her fears are deep-rooted. She then began talking about how she doesn’t get much support from her husband. “He’s not active. My husband doesn’t take ownership or the responsibility of taking care of the kids, the household, etc. He is fully involved in his work and I feel like he can’t make decisions. There was a time when I was admitted to the hospital and he didn’t even come to visit me,” she blurted.
And then I knew that half her troubles stem from her rocky relationship with her husband. My focus then shifted to him and we addressed his issues of being a procrastinator and not helping out his wife and kids as much as required. I discovered that the husband’s issues are far more severe than his wife’s. And she was the one who came seeking for help! Life truly is mysterious, right?
This case was very unique because not only was the need of the hour to solve the woman’s issues but also her husband’s. I came to the conclusion that they both needed help for their mental health conditions as their issues were mostly inter-connected. In a surprising turn of events, the session became about not just the woman’s problems but also her and her husband’s relationship, which was one of the major deep-rooted causes of their mental illnesses.
I encouraged both of them to have their brain mapping done, which is a process where we get data on the electrical imbalances in one’s brainwaves. This is different from an MRI which detects tumours, brain injuries, etc. The reports came in soon, which I discussed with them, also explaining how Neurofeedback would benefit them.
In addition to this, I suggested that the two undergo a couple’s synchrony, which is a practice to align two individuals’ mental as well as well as emotional makeup. Simply put, couple synchrony brain training is great way to bring the two individuals on the same page.
Not only does each one reach their individual optimal brain performance zone but they, as a couple too, start functioning at their optimal level. This helps greatly in resolving several issues and triggers which contaminate the relationship.
After the consultation, the couple told me that they would get back to me shortly regarding undergoing Neurofeedback sessions. I’m waiting for the same and I am curious to embark on this journey and see their transformation.
So as seen with this case, mental health problems come on various forms, shapes and disguises too. What is apparent is only the tip of the iceberg.
To learn about Neurofeedback and how it works, click here.
