Why does infidelity occur in relationships? Why do partners cheat on one another? We look at the neuroscience behind infidelity.
“Infidelity exists everywhere. It’s not only about our industry. The most depressing part is that it’s become a way to climb the ladder for many. People do it because they want to reach somewhere. Personally, for me, infidelity is a deal-breaker. You just can’t go back from something like that.” – Bipasha Basu
“Yes, I have, out of immaturity, out of inexperience, out of taking advantage of certain temptations, out of callousness. You realise it now, when you grow up and you value it more. Why be in a relationship, why be committed to someone when you cannot be committed?” – Ranbir Kapoor
Infidelity is more rampant than you think
Given the glitz and glamour that celebrities are surrounded by, it’s easy to assume that infidelity exists primarily in their world. However, it’s prevelant everywhere and is more rampant than you think.
According to statistics quoted by Amenclinics.com, “20% of married men and 13% of married women admit they’ve engaged in sexual activity with someone outside their marriage.”
The older you get, the more likely you are to cheat
Surprising right? One may assume that indefinitely occurs between the young, who are sexually driven. But data shows otherwise. Women are more likely to cheat in their 60s and men in their 70s.
According to Scott Haltzman, M.D, infidelity is like a “flame addiction”
In an article on brainworldmagazine.com, he quotes, “When most people think of infidelity, they don’t think of injecting heroin or smoking crack cocaine. They ought to because the behaviour that takes place during an affair mimics exactly the behaviour of a drug addict.
Like a moth drawn to a candle’s glow, the person who is having an affair keeps coming back to the same addictive behaviour. Infidelity is a “flame addiction.”
Before looking at why people cheat, let’s understand what happens when two individuals get attracted to one another
Feelings of love and infatuation are a part of the brain’s reward system. The chemicals that result in these emotions are epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and phenylethylamine (PEA).
Epinephrine is responsible for causing an adrenaline rush, making your heart beat faster, quickening your breath, etc.
Dopamine makes you feel pleasure, motivated, and helps you concentrate. When a person has high levels of this chemical, he or she feels more attractive and sexy.
Serotonin results in making you ‘feel good,’ and drops drastically low during the phase of a building romance or new love. It leads to the obsessiveness that people experience when they can’t stop thinking about their new lover.
PEA speeds up the process of our brain receiving information and is triggered during attraction. With its help, we can focus on our feelings of love.
The chemical changes in the brain are often misinterpreted by couples as a feeling of “falling out of love”
“Wait for 10 years and then we’ll see,” is what most parents tell their newly-married children who are head-over-heels with their partners. True, the butterflies in the stomach stop fluttering after a certain point. But the same is more of a chemical response than an emotional one.
Amenclinics.com states that as per neuroscientists, stimulating chemicals and neurotransmitters like PEA experience a drop between a period of 6 months to 2 years. This happens because, after a certain period of time, our bodies cannot sustain the euphoric state of infatuation.
During this phase, indefinitely and breakups increase
Due to these chemical changes, certain couples start assuming that there’s no longer a “spark” left in their relationship. As a result, they either split up or look for love elsewhere to recreate that high. In some people, the need to feel that rush is so obsessive, that they can’t help but participate in infidelity.
So what results in such behaviour? Do some people really lack self-control?
In simple words, yes they do. But before you judge them, take a step back to understand the science behind it. If there’s an imbalance in a person’s self-control network, it can lead him/her to cheat. In the brain, there exists two regions- the deep limbic system and prefrontal cortex.
The former motivates you to give into pleasures and temptations while the latter makes you think twice before indulging in infidelity. Therefore, the self-control network helps one strike this balance.
People with low prefrontal cortex are more likely to cheat/ get divorced
A survey found that people with ADD/ADHD have a low prefrontal cortex and nearly 39% of men and 40% women with these conditions have had experiences with infidelity.
Men with higher testosterone levels are prone to having extramarital affairs
As per a 2019 study, men with higher levels of neurohormone testosterone are more likely to cheat on their partners. This hormone is associated with feelings of motivation and sexuality. Higher levels of these result in a high sex drive and lower empathy, which as a result, could lead to men getting involved with other sexual partners.
So is the key to staying faithful a perfect balance in chemical responses of your brain?
Yes. Strengthening your overall mental health, PFC levels and optimizing your hormone levels can help you remain happy and satisfied with your partner.
How can you achieve this?
With the help of Neurofeedback! This is a NASA inspired, US-FDA-approved brain-training technology that can help you strike the perfect chemical balance. To know more, watch this video.
Brain & Co. offers med-free treatment that could help you overcome other mental issues such as depression/anxiety/sleep issues etc. Visit our website or give us a call to learn more.
