How do you tell if someone is stuck in the rut of self-pity vs a person, who is genuinely battling a mental illness? Today, we look at the difference.
A person battling a mental illness needs support, empathy, love, and care. The last thing that the person needs is being ridiculed for his/her mental state. The stigma around mental illness comprises misunderstanding someone’s mental and emotional well-being, criticizing them for their unusual behavior, accusing them of being self-centered, blaming them for constantly seeking attention, and more.
But we all know of “whiners” in our life, who always seem to be miserable and are constantly complaining about everything. They love to indulge in self-pity. Does this mean they are battling a mental illness? The answer is, not necessarily.
So how do you distinguish between someone who is genuinely battling a mental illness versus those who simply are whiners and love to attend a self-pity party?
There are four categories of behaviors that can help you understand the distinction between the two. Before we get into that, we need to understand the basic difference between a mental illness (anxiety, depression) vs self-pity.
The former is an ailment much like a physical one where a person’s emotional state is accompanied by physical symptoms such as headaches, sleep issues, appetite changes, aches, and pains, etc. Self-pity on the other hand is a behavioral trait. Now, let’s look at the categories to understand the distinction in detail.
Category 1: Sudden change in the way the person is behaving
It’s not necessary that people battling a mental illness always appear to be sad or miserable. They can appear to be perfectly happy, as they might be trying to hide their emotional state, due to fear of exposure and fear of stigma. This is often seen with individuals battling depression.
But if you notice that a seemingly happy person is beginning to make unusual statements or behaving in a way that is not like how they usually are, take it as a sign. Those who tend to whine or pity themselves are usually consistent with this habit. You will notice them doing this irrespective of the circumstance or environment.
Category 2: Physical symptoms
A mental illness, like depression and anxiety especially, is accompanied by physical symptoms as we mentioned above. For example, anxiety can manifest in physical form with indigestion, shortness of breath, headaches, etc. Whereas self-pity is simply a behavior that is not seen with any such physical signs.
Category 3: Individuals battling mental illness wish to feel better
If you ever come across someone suffering, you will see that they are genuinely miserable and are looking to feel better. They often battle feelings and emotions of self-loathing, anger, emotional pain, low self-esteem, negative thinking, self-blame, loneliness, discomfort, unhappiness, grief, sorrow and despair, misery, foggy mind, low self-compassion, etc. Those going through these painful experiences may not know how to cope up with such difficult times.
Hence, when they are suggested help in the means of therapy/ medication/brain training etc., they try it out. This is because they wish to overcome their struggles and lead a happy life once again.
Yes, it’s not like they would always go through these means readily as they may take time to come to terms with their mental state and the fact that they might need help. But those battling a mental health condition always WANT to feel better. This is not the case with whiners and self-pitiers.
If you notice, they don’t usually follow through with advice or solutions you give them. Because they wish to keep whining, to seek attention. This is not an illness but a behavioral trait. If they really were battling a mental health condition, they would wish to genuinely overcome their pain and feel better. Whiners don’t like solutions, they simply want listeners to give them the sympathy and compassion they wish for.
Category 4: People with a mental illness are not always vocal about how they feel
While some of them may eventually open up about their suffering, there are plenty-especially those battling depression- who keep their mental health condition hidden. This is because they don’t wish to be judged or become victims of stigma.
People who pity themselves, on the other hand, tend to be extremely vocal about feeling low. This more often than not is a simple cry for attention, as opposed to them actually battling a mental illness. This is one immense difference between the two groups. You will notice that those genuinely suffering don’t tend to keep talking about whatever they are going through.
Disclaimer: This is simply our take on the matter and we aren’t making any claims. We are open to discussions, suggestions, and feedback on the contents of this blog.
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