Every type of relationship takes some amount of work be it social relationships, romantic relationships, etc. Adjusting to each other’s habits, quirks, qualities, and more takes patience and acceptance. But when ADD comes into the picture, it could seem like a hell of a lot of work that you probably didn’t sign up for. There’s plenty of research around married people that have broken due to the partner having ADD. That is because this disorder comes with behavioral traits that can be very hard to live with unless you recognize them and are aware of how to handle them.
Before we get to that part, let’s look at the signs of this disorder in detail.
Disorganization
People with ADD struggle with organizational skills when it comes to both individual tasks and household tasks.
Forgetfulness
They have trouble remembering the basics like where they have kept their things, what date and day it is etc.
Mood swings
They can be extremely bored one minute and the other, they can feel ultra-adventurous and may indulge in reckless behavior.
Lack of focus
They can have a hard time concentrating on their work in the office or even listening to you. Some tend to overlook details and have trouble completing daily tasks and chores.
Being too focused
There’s a flip side to one being unfocused, and it’s called being hyper-focused. In this condition, an adult with ADD may be too focused on what he/ she is doing. In turn, they end up not paying attention to what is going on around them.
Trouble managing time
They even have trouble grasping the concept of the past and the future tense.
Impulsive behaviors
An adult may indulge in participating in impulsive tasks, which can sometimes border on being risky. As a result, they usually have trouble understanding the consequences of their actions.
Suffering from low-self-esteem
An adult with ADD tends to suffer from self-image issues where they experience a lack of self-confidence and esteem. Therefore, they are often hypercritical of themselves.
Anxiety and restlessness
Individuals may find the need to keep moving or doing something. Hence when they don’t get to do so, they feel restless. This therefore can result in anxiety and frustration.
Substance abuse
Research suggests that people who have ADD may be more prone to substance abuse. These include alcoholism, doing drugs, addiction to smoking, etc. A few of them tend to indulge in these to help themselves with reducing sleep issues and anxiety.
Because of these behavioral traits and habits, those living with partners who have this disorder can feel neglected. Here are some troubles that often crop up in relationships:
Hyperfocus behavior
It often happens that an adult with ADD hyper focuses on the relationship during the initial period. He/she can make you like you’re their whole world. Then eventually, they will shift the focus to themselves and you can end up feeling neglected.
Misinterpreting the symptoms
If you are not aware of your partner’s ADD, you may think he/she is self-absorbed, doesn’t care about you, is irresponsible, moody, so on and so forth. This in turn can result in clashes as you both would be misunderstanding each other despite it not being anyone’s fault. Therefore your perfectly healthy relationship may start to suffer.
Dealing with extreme mood swings
Because of your partner’s unpredictable moods, you may be walking on eggshells around them. You may not be expressing your feelings/concerns to your full extent with the fear of angering them. This, as a result, can result in communication gaps and misunderstandings, that could create further cracks in the otherwise strong relationship.
Frustration over undone chores
An equation such as one where partners are living together or are married, also involves running a home together. Therefore, completing chores on time plays a huge part in ensuring the same. But partners with ADD may not be able to do so due to their difficulty in marinating focus, among other causes. As a result, you might get consistently frustrated, assuming that your partner is just plain lazy or disinterested.
Your partner may be in denial about his/her ADD
Even though you might recognize your partner’s symptoms, he/she may be in complete denial about even having the condition. This can make it difficult for you to ask them to seek help.
Blaming one another
The blame game is a vicious cycle you and individuals can get caught up in. Where you would be blaming your partner for being inattentive, not taking enough responsibility, being disinterested, self-centered, not having their life under control, and more, they would be blaming you for being nagging or expecting too much.
Consistently dealing with the misunderstandings and communication gaps would obviously take a toll on any loving relationship and positive relationship, and daily life in general.
But this does not mean that having successful adult relationships with individuals who have ADD is not possible. Here are a couple of things you can do:
Be aware of the symptoms
Only if you know the signs of ADD, can you seek the needed help for your partner. If you are unable to spot the symptoms, you may forever be living with assumptions about their behaviors.
Couple therapy
There are experts who can help not only the person living with ADD but also their partner on how to deal with the same. It can help you and your better help get insights into how to behave with one another, how to build the bond, etc.
Brain training
US, FDA-approved, and NASA-inspired brain training technology Neurofeedback can help you or a loved one manage their symptoms of ADD. To learn more about this technology and how it helps, click here.
