You may be trying to help someone battling mental illness. But what you don’t know is that you might be worsening things for them.

Handling someone battling a mental illness be it anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, etc. can be tricky. You may be hesitant about what to say to them, what to do to make them feel better, so on and so forth. There are things you might be saying or doing that you think are effective and might help the other person. You’re trying and props to you for that.

But sadly, that’s not enough. When you’re handling someone with a mental illness, it’s very important to say and do the right things because every single action of yours can directly have an impact on the person suffering.

One wrong statement or action from you can make matters worse for them. Therefore you may be doing your best, but that just may be the case according to you. In reality, you unintentionally might be causing more harm than good.

So today, we look at 20 things that you should NEVER say to a person suffering from a mental illness and the reason behind the same. Along with this, we give you things that you can say to make the person feel better.

Things that you shouldn’t say 

1. “How are you doing?”

Yes, this is a very simple and seemingly harmless question to ask. But many people suffering from a mental illness absolutely hate this question, as stated by them to Amenclicnics.com. This is because when you ask them how they’re doing, they feel you are ignorant and expect you to exactly know and understand how you’re doing.

Of course, asking them this before knowing about their mental illness is fine. But once they have confided in you, avoid it as they expect you to know their emotions to the tee.

2. “I understand how you feel”

Yup, you may be trying to relate to the person to make them feel like they are not alone. But don’t do that. Because unless you are going through the same mental illness, you can’t really feel what they are going through, can you? Only those battling it truly know what they are experiencing. So let it be about them, don’t make it about you.

3. “At least he/she isn’t suffering anymore and is in a better place”

This is another common thing most of us say to someone who has lost a loved one, right? Loss of a closed one can cause anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. But at a time like this, acknowledge their feelings instead of trying to make them feel better.

By saying something like this, you might be minimizing their feelings, Instead, let them grieve and tell them that crying over a loved one is absolutely okay and understandable. Validate their sorrow.

4. “Time heals everything”

This too might be an attempt by you to spread some positivity. But doing this, fills people who are suffering, with dread rather than hope. They feel like they have to rely on time to feel better and that it might just take forever.

Instead of talking about time as a healing factor, displaying a sense of urgency will be more effective. A person who is battling a mental illness needs help right away, so don’t give them false hope. Act on it right away.

5. “Try and distract yourself. Keep yourself busy”

If we tell you to think of a pink elephant, what comes to your mind? A pink elephant right? If you’re told to not do something, your mind is bound to do just that. It works the same way with a mental illness.

If you keep denying it instead of acknowledging and treating it, it will only get worse. Hence, apply the same theory to people battling a mental health issue. Instead of telling them to focus on other things and distract themselves, encourage them to face it, and seek help.

6. “You have so much to be grateful for”

People battling mental health issues want your care and comfort rather than you trying to show them the bright side of things. They are not in a space to acknowledge things that are going right for them as their mental illness takes precedence over everything.

And that’s exactly how they should be made to feel- like their issue is of utmost importance over anything else. This makes them feel like they can count on you for help as you understand their pain. 

7. “You have to be strong for your family”

This is probably the worst thing (unintentionally of course) that you might be telling someone who is suffering from a mental illness. By asking them to be strong for someone else, you are turning a blind eye to what they are going through. Instead, you should encourage them to handle their own issues first and get them the help that’s needed.

Things that you should say

1. “I’m sorry for your loss”

This is what we all say all the time to a grieving person and it is appropriate. If someone is depressed or in trauma over the loss of a loved one, they like their feelings to be acknowledged. So by saying you’re sorry, you are giving the person the empathy that they desire.

2. “I wish I knew the right things to say. Please know I’m here for you”

People battling mental illnesses rather have your honesty than you saying things you probably don’t mean or are ignorant about. So if you tell them that you don’t know what exactly to say but are still going to be there for them, they’ll feel comforted.

3. “I can’t even imagine what you must be going through”

When you say this, the person feels like his/her sorrow is being given importance. They feel like someone is finally starting to understand what they are going through. To a person battling a mental health issue, his/her problem seems the worst in the world. So it’s important not to belittle it at any cost and instead acknowledge it.

4. “Want to talk about what happened?” 

Instead of asking them how they are doing, choose this option. This way the person knows that you are aware that they are not doing okay and are ready to listen to the reason behind the same.

5. “Please know that it’s okay to not be okay”

Let people battling a mental health issue know that it’s completely okay to not be okay. That they don’t have to have it together all the time. That they can breakdown, be sad, have mood swings, etc., and there’s nothing wrong with that. That they can be upset and reach out for help and the same will always be provided to them.

So now that you know all the right things to say, are you ready to make a difference with your words? Remember that you should encourage those suffering to seek help. This can be in the form of therapy, counseling, and brain training.

With US, FDA-approved, and NASA-inspired brain training technology Neurofeedback, mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, and others can be reversed/managed and one can lead a happier and calmer life. To learn more, visit https://wetrainbrains.com/