You may think you’re a solid parent, going by the techniques you apply to discipline your child. But you might just be making things worse.

In many cases, a person’s behaviour and mannerisms are directly related to his/her upbringing. For instance, did you know that children who grow up without a father are more likely to become delinquents later on? And were you aware that children who grow up being abused, are likely to become abusers themselves? A parent helps in shaping a child’s thinking as well as social behaviour. Therefore, it’s crucial for you as a parent, to inculcate ideas, concepts and values that make your child confident, ethical and compassionate.

What parents should never do to their children 

As a parent, you might have said at least one of these things to your child:

1. Why do I have to tell you everything 100 times?

2. Stop being such a baby

3. You better do what I say or else…

You may think that you saying these things, is putting your child on the right track. Parents reading this might believe that by being strict or using these terms, you all are disciplining your child. However, in reality, you might be making things worse.

Here are ten things you should never do to your kid.

1. Don’t scold them in public: This is a common thing that parents tend to do. They try and get a third party involved, thinking that their children would listen if someone else reprimands them. But doing this only makes your child doubt himself and have serious self-esteem issues. If you have a problem with your child’s behaviour, always discuss it in private.

2. Never draw comparisons: A parent tends to compare kids to their elder siblings or their good friends’s obedient, A-grade daughter/son. Never do that. Drawing comparisons can result in your child suffering from severe self-image issues. You don’t want you child to feel like he/she isn’t good enough, do you?

3. Refrain from manipulating your child: You may be guilty of this, without even realising it. Parents tend to manipulate their kids into suppressing their wishes, to get their way. If your child wishes to have candy, don’t tell him/ her that their desire is wrong. You can instead choose the reward method. You can ask your child to finish the broccoli and give him/her extra playtime as a ‘good job’ reaffirmation. Always provide an alternative instead of dismissing your child’s wishes. Not doing so makes them extremely hostile and defensive in the future. 

4. Don’t speak for your child: How many times have you answered for your child when a stranger has asked his/ her name? Guilty? Well, don’t beat yourself up over it, as it’s an honest mistake. Parents tend to do this, thinking they are being protective. However, if you really want your child to grow, let him/her speak for themselves. Doing this makes them self reliant and confident as they grow up.

5. Stop being over-friendly: Yes, you may be the cool parent who is popular among your child’s group. But think twice. More than friendship, children look for nurture and care from their parents. So while you can be friendly with your child, don’t go overboard. It’s important for you also to be a guiding light for your child and someone whom they can look up to. If you’re over-friendly, you may be robbing your child of the protection he/ she desires from you, as a parent.

6. Don’t fulfil your dreams through them: Life may not have turned out the way you wanted. But does that mean you get to ask your child to fulfil your dreams? Absolutely not! Let your child choose his/her dreams. Never force them to carry out your desires. They are individuals who have their own likes and dislikes. Respect them.

7. Never, ever hit your child: Most Indian parents, as well as teachers, think that hitting a child is equivalent to disciplining him/her. Well, guys, you couldn’t be more wrong. Hitting a child can cause anxiety, self-image issues and even depression. Whacking your child isn’t going to make things better. If you really want to make a difference, encourage him/her and reward them for all the good behaviour.

8. Stop stealing their thunder: If your child has learnt how to walk, stop telling people, “we learnt how to walk today!” Let your child enjoy the winning moment as it is his/her achievement. So in short, stop stealing their thunder!

9. Don’t intrude: As children grow up, they like to have their own space. So never try and control what they do, whom they meet, where they go etc. You can do it up to a limit, to protect them. But don’t go overboard. The more restrictions you put on children, the more rebellious and notorious they become.

10. Never comment on your child’s physical appearance: If you’re pressurising your child into losing weight or applying fairness cream, please stop NOW! By doing this, a parent can make the child suffer from severe body image issues and low self-confidence. No matter what shape, size or colour, your child is beautiful!

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